I want to be like a kid again. Innocent with the financial responsibilities, stressful young adult issues, unfair politics, and unjust world. I want to be that kid who’s just silently reading his favorite science articles saved from his Symbian mobile phone downloaded from his Netscape browser. A kid who downloads cheat codes from cheatplanet.com to sell to his peers. An introvert who listens to Parokya ni Edgar and reads Pugad Baboy comics. Teachers hated him for being carefree. He’s silent. He’s shy. He’s stupid. But he’s a fucking dreamer.
PS: Happy birthday to me
Oh, don’t you stare at me like that. You don’t need to. I have fallen a million times already, and I am still falling. No one can ignore your brilliance. Your glow is radiating throughout the room. You’re kind and sweet, smart and beautiful. With your charm, everyone is looking at you. With your charm, I am desperate to make you mine. Yet silence reigned. I thought I was good with words, but with you, I am speechless — just listening. Searching for every subtle hint you might reveal, practically drowning with your overflowing presence. Come closely and listen to my heart, you don’t want to miss its sincerity.
She’ll never be the one that got away. I immediately grabbed her as soon as the opportunity presented itself. Knowing how delicate she can be. A little more complicated as it can be. I never realized it, but I should have known better. I should’ve just walked away. It was far more easier. But, I did what I had to do – I’d rather die than to give up. Then so I chased her.
I want her. I want her every day. I want every bit of her.
She is the type of girl that doesn’t come along every day, so I acted fast. I approached her wearing my most genuine smile. Day by day I tried to impress her, read her favorite book, watched her favorite Netflix Series. I did everything just to catch her precious attention, her attention that every man in the room wants.
Given her innocence, she probably wouldn’t understand. But for me, it seems like a dream. I’m crazy in love with her.
What if I accidentally fell in-love? You were like a dream. Now everyone is looking, talking about us. From prying eyes, let’s turn and run away from everyone. I’ll take the lead. I will spend my whole life listening to all the stories you want to tell. I’m sure it will be all worth it. Because you’re worth it. It is more than all those risks and labels. It is more than the people who judged us. Maybe, the truth will set us free. Maybe it won’t. But we got to try. Take a leap of faith with each other than to miss a lifetime of happiness.
I’m sorry. I fell out of love. You know that we tried. I tried. But I can’t feel you. I looked deep into your eyes, I saw your sadness, your despair. I can feel your distress. Guilt can maintain, and preserve our relationship but I don’t want that. You don’t want that. I know, it is hard to accept the truth, especially since we already made this far but I don’t want to make any excuses. It happened all of a sudden. I didn’t intend to hurt you. I gave up. Now, I just want to thank you for everything. I’m sorry.
He sat there in silence. No one could melt his ice-cold heart. Extenuating circumstances bewildered his feelings like an emotion soup. He is actually freaking out as he can’t deal with more than one emotion. She got underneath his skin. Did not even give him another chance to stop her from walking away. And why would she? It is his fault all right. He cheated. Lied. Broke a promise. Got confused with sexual intensity and romantic intimacy. Reluctant to accept the consequences he made, he ended up feeling guilty and frustrated.
Our meeting was pure happenstance. Now, I’m here all alone in a particular space of time. A place where I reached my total solitude. I can think of our thousand happy memories together but the thought died aborning. Time will tell how much I love you. Yet time also taught us that everyone has to say goodbye sooner or later. What a cliché. She had me. The feeling was so ugly, so alien. I could say that she cast a spell on me, but like love, happy endings are just for fairytales.
A perverted stare studied her curves. Imaginary touching her, inch by inch, part by part. That expression in her lovely eyes and everything looks surreal just from looking at her. Incredible. As his mortal lips want to kiss her everywhere. Hesitant to approach her, he will then realize that he is in love, truly, madly in love. He simply wants to be with her every night and day since he has his motives both good and bad. As love is no accident, for a smile is the beginning of every love. Will he confess his love or will he deny it again? Destiny will still find a way through doubts he said. He will wait for the perfect moment. Dubious, he then asked himself, “For how long?”.
This is a battle of allegations. Suddenly, love became contempt and disgust. Incongruous as the statement was, horrible decisions made horrible relationships. So sudden, so unsure. Just full of hatred. We are too fool, too different from each other and caught up by everything around us. Perhaps our destiny is in a different life. We could just lie within ourselves and then give each other something to hold on or we could just unlove and forget about everything.