Going Mellow

The Only Woman

| Don Normantico

Forgive her, because she can’t hide her brilliance. I adore her as much as you do. Her eyes sparkle every time she smiles. Yet don’t let her innocent appearance fool you. Many wise men tried foolish schemes just to have her, and none of them worked, of course. She’s used to that loving attention everyone offers, for she can see right through you; such is the cleverness of this beautiful young lady. Nevertheless, no one will ever take her place in my heart, for she is the only woman I can see.

P.S. Happy Birthday to me!

Scared of falling

| Don Normantico

You were so good at showing your feelings before, why not now? You’re scared. Scared of falling into a pit that can easily shatter your heart right away, like last time. You lost everything and gained nothing at all. That’s defeat, you see, and everything in you was affected by that mistake. One mistake. You’ve lost faith and become doubtful, so unsure.

Okay, fine, you did your best last time, and almost every time you got away with no baggage at all but not this time, not with her. You can try to love again once more like before, or you can bury yourself in that feeling; and something tells me it’s the latter you’ll choose. Don’t get me wrong, but just let it go, no explanations, just let it fade away. Don’t ask me how. You’re better than this and you know it.

I know you caught everything I just said, as you usually do. But I can see your distrust. It wasn’t really your fault. You merely assumed.

Reality

| Don Normantico

The reality of the situation struck him like a personal nightmare he might never wake up from. He was too scared to act or react, knowing he didn’t have any say in the matter and that his feelings wouldn’t help either. He regretted all the time he had wasted, and his lost thoughts clouded even more with every tick of the clock. He was simply caught off guard.

He had long yearned for her, and the next hour would deliberately teach him what long distance really meant. He was happy seeing her every few weeks, but tomorrow, tomorrow would start a new phase in her life, effectively ending his. The remaining time was not enough to gather his thoughts and say all the things he wanted. And extending that time was, of course, impossible. Her plane leaves in two hours, and he still doesn’t know what to do. He is willing to wait forever, but today was consumed by goodbyes and nervous distractions.

Photographs

| Don Normantico

Painfully, some photographs are flat, lifeless, cold reminders of times that will never return, holding memories that are too painful to revisit. Yet we still keep them because we fear that something so great won’t happen twice won’t happen again. Paradoxically, we feel pain and greatness at the same time, depending on our perspective when we look at that picture-perfect moment.

Though sometimes we discover unpleasant truths along the way, and whenever we do, we look at that picture with curiosity, wondering how life could easily ruin an irreplaceable experience and feeling. We could try to destroy that picture out of sadness and bitterness in our hearts, but we simply can’t. I know; it’s not that simple.

Contemplation

| Don Normantico

It was impenetrable, so dense. In the midst of contemplation, a tear fell. A bottle of whiskey was never enough to console my grief. Right here, sitting, wasting time writing love letters for her which she will never read. She’s beautiful; her charm made me weak, down on my knees under an irremovable spell. Then I heard my heart calling her name. The exact opposite of a propitious omen. Everything was fine till I answered every call, clandestinely thinking she’ll fall. Trapped by my own delusions, I fell, with no one catching me. Under the line I crossed, this unrequited affection exacted its price: it took everything from me.

Girl of the morning dew

| Don Normantico

The girl of the morning dew,

Surrounded by a beautiful mist,

She liked her complete solitude.

A man was enticed by her grace,

He who was constantly looking at her,

Adored her secretly and passionately

Looking at her as if she were a goddess.

He struggled hard to fight his emotions,

Separated by a worldly fate;

He couldn’t just fall into such dreams.

Yet after each day, his feelings matured;

He waited, longed, and loved.

Madness filled his empty heart,

He left his hesitations behind,

Gathered all the courage he had,

And confronted her to speak of his love.

Stuttering, nervous, feeling the gravity

Regret engulfed him as time stood still:

Someone already owned her heart.

Tales of anguish and bitterness

| Don Normantico

I wish I wasn’t so foolish to fall in love with her. I’m just a simple boy, incapable of understanding, very unworthy of her. A confused boy who tried to set the differences between fairy tales and reality, then failed afterward.

I believed that our souls were fatefully intertwined, that we were destined to be. She’s the only one. She’s my true karma, someone I can’t read, someone I can’t have. She accidentally made me insecure, wherein I’m trapped by the things I can make, by the things I can create, by the things I can achieve.

There are times wherein you don’t know what to do next. that happened to me when she left. I had no plans, had nothing to lose. All I could think of was her. Truth is, I don’t want to write about her anymore. I know for a fact that she’d love to hear that I’ve finally moved on, but what can I do? I’m just a writer who selfishly writes about what I truly feel. Writing since the day our paths crossed, when I found true love through her, to the day we made our promises, to our first fight, and when she finally left, to the day I painfully accepted defeat. After that, all posts are hopeless romantic ones. Each entry contains facts, posted a little late. Each entry contains sad memories of us. Each contains true love that I want to constantly prove to her.

Months passed, every morning became another heartache, every cold night got me wishing we were still talking on the phone like before, to the day I became numb to the pain, to this day I’m still reminiscing about our almost happily ever after. Funny thing is, she just hates me for not giving up on her. Now I can’t believe that she won’t talk to me. I tried everything. I did everything. I miss the love that was almost there, almost there, and then suddenly without any warning my Cinderella was gone.

What am I blabbering about? Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, and these are rubbish tales of anguish and bitterness. I loved you, I love you, and I will always love you.

PS: Happy Birthday to me

Too drained

| Don Normantico

Too drained for the tears he needed to shed,

His face changed from sadness to sudden rage.

He was consumed by anger, set ablaze,

Yet he couldn’t blame anyone for his mistake.

Wondering if everything she said was fake,

Now his verses are composed of bitterness and hate.

To repent today for his actions is too late.

Choices

| Don Normantico

Life is full of choices, choices that we may regret, choices that we may be proud of. For whatever reason we made a choice, we need to live with it. No regrets. No time machines.